I've been sitting here in the library for almost nine hours. Study done - 5/105 pages complete. It's not so fantastic, but I have been productive.
The applications that may just set the direction of my life have been made while I have been listening to my new favourite tune (Daniel - Bat For Lashes). I have applied literary everywhere - Oxford, Dublin, Germany, Barcelona, New York. Even though I would love to leave Ireland, leaving this country makes me a bit nervous but I know whatever happens will be the best. I've learned not to expect anything, ever.
Expectations. Expectations lead to disappointment. I dread disappointment. Disappointment is one of the strangest and maybe worst feelings in the world. I don't want to be "not good enough". On the other hand, I have just realised this no expecting attitude has perhaps made me apathetic towards a lot of important issues. I probably need to expect more out of myself rather than the world.
A few days ago, I made the trip down to the local art gallery. In the ground floor there's a room full of replicas of famous sculptures around the world. Everytime I go there, the only sculputre which always has intrigued me is the Torso of Belvedere. Looking at it can send me into a hazy daydream within the depths of my imagination wondering to whom this torso actually belong too. It could have been anything, like an elephant head or something.
The Torso of Belvedere was the inspiration for Michelangelo. He would sleep, sit, eat, breathe in front of this sculpture for days on end until (I imagine) he would be inspired to such an end that he would create the most beautiful pieces of art, most notably the paintings in the Sistine Chapel. Each magnificent sculpture would be contained within one block of marble. With effort, care and vision, a piece of art would be created. I would like to look at my future in that way.
It all seems like fancy talk, repetetively listening to "Daniel" by Bat For Lashes while writing this. Maybe that song is my Torso for Belvedere.
When I run in the dark...Daniel...